Losing 50 kilos

I guess it’s time to admit it – my relationship is in shambles. It’s not a surprise really – it’s me who’s been initiating the break-up. We’ve been together for five years, of which I have lived two years here in the Netherlands (after moving from my native Finland). The thing is, with me approaching 30 in couple of years, my need for having children and getting married has grown just unbearable in the past year or so. When we started dating, both of us were rather undecided about the subject. Now it’s grown to the point that I want the whole traditional family setting, and he doesn’t.

My boyfriend is afraid that having a family will kill his creativity and freedom – he works as a DJ and is away a lot, doing gigs around the country and sometimes abroad. We don’t live together, which is just a financial arrangement – in the Netherlands it’s cheaper to keep two small apartments than try to find one big one somewhere. I’ve never shared really the everyday life with him, all the nagging about dirty socks on the floor and drinking milk straight from the carton. Maybe that’s why this hasn’t been so heart-breaking and teary as I thought it would be when the time finally came.

I weighted about the same when we started dating, until we went thru a rough batch last year and I gained another 10 kilos or so. But now the weight loss has proven to be therapeutic – I can control my weight, I have the power over it. By the time I consider getting pregnant with a new partner, I want to be normal-weight, to make the pregnancy safe and healthy for both me and the baby. Of course attracting a new partner is easier when you’re 50 kilos thinner too, but I’ve managed to do it with this weight too, so it’s not a problem.

If there somewhere is a guy who’s willing to marry, have kids and values fidelity, let me know. I’ll be ready to emerge from my cocoon next year – trophy wife in making!